Invisible Scars

It’s time that I admit the truth: I know far less about the world than I thought I would by this point in my life…

and I would venture that the majority of my contemporaries feel the same way. I had made a few (possibly more than a few) mistakes as a child and a teenager, but considered it a learning experience. Then, In my struggle to lead as normal a life as possible I married in my twenties, bought a house, and had two kids and a dog, just like I was “supposed to.” As life unfolds, everyone of us experiences changes, though, both good and bad. Through this adversity comes growth, if we allow it.

"...take these broken wings and learn to fly..."
“…take these broken wings and learn to fly…”

 

I have experienced adversity at the hands of neurological illness, yet I am grateful.

Multiple Sclerosis has affected my way of being by forcing a healthier lifestyle upon me. If I don’t strengthen my bones and muscles by working out, I become frail. If I don’t practice yoga, I become less balanced. If I don’t get acupuncture, take my medications, go to doctors, I experience physical pain. I am grateful for the MS, because I wouldn’t have become so engrossed in these activities that have defined me in recent years.

I have experienced adversity at the hands of divorce, yet I am grateful.

The shock and hurt that I felt when my husband left me with two young children was incomparable, but I was able to come out the other side stronger. I had an opportunity to start over. I no longer had to compromise on the decisions I made regarding the kids, regarding the house, regarding myself. I am grateful for my divorce because it has made me into the person I am today.

I have experienced adversity at the hands of many struggles throughout my life, yet I am grateful.

Life evolves; personalities become inaccessible, circumstances becomes challenging, healthy bodies become sick. Struggles are pivotal in creating a more complete person. Yes, my life has gone differently than I had expected it to, making me more of the round protagonist in the memoir of my life. For that, I am grateful.

I try to repeat the mantra, I am thankful for my struggles, I am thankful for my struggles, I am thankful for my struggles, when I am close to pulling my hair out because my son is lying on the floor screaming that I won’t let him put my new makeup brushes up his nose. It’s either reflecting on this phrase over and over, or locking myself in the bathroom with a bottle of vodka, but I’m thinking the latter may be less socially acceptable.

Multiple Sclerosis is a nasty little neurological disease that can morph into whatever form it decides upon in that particular moment. MS affects each of its marks differently. One person may notice failing vision, while another chronic pain. For me, it was the imbalance and dizziness that I noticed first. Multiple Sclerosis doesn’t define me, by any means. No person should be a representation of their illness. My diagnosis and the way it is treated, however, have shaped the way that I currently lead my life.

I had no idea how significantly my life would change after the moment that those invisible scars were found.

 

This is a collection of snippets from my life, a recollection really. These are moments of time, both big and small that have shaped me, for better or worse.

My new normal
My new normal

6 comments

  1. What a beautiful example you are to your children! How lovely you are Kristen! So glad to have met you!

    Rosemary
    NSPL Writing Group

    Keep writing – you are truly inspirational!

    1. Hi Yvette! Thank you for visiting my site I really appreciate your kind words 🙂 I love when you sing your poetry- it adds so much beauty and depth! I’ll see you soon at writing class and/or the gym!

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